you work so hard, then its done.

well it's over and we all survived. another Christmas season. i shall put some highlights in bullet form for your viewing pleasure:
~carson got way too many presents.
~i allowed evil step dad into my house for exactly 1 hour.
~carson received a real live motorcycle from my dad.
~no broken bones from said motorcycle.......yet.
~carson turned 7!!!!!
~since i am in a 12 week wait for my kindle(sigh) hubby gave me movies, James Avery charm bracelet with a CUPCAKE charm :)
~still have toys in the living room.
~attended 5 Christmas gatherings, which carson drug home more new toys from each house!
~did NOT get westie puppy....yet again!

so you can see we have been quite busy. hope everyone's holiday season was wonderful~peace

very funny stuff!!

love this.......

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

have u missed me?

i think that i actually only have 1 reader(thanks kim). but alas, i will start to write more just in case i have a few lurkers who have yet to show their support. well in 2 days it will be thanksgiving and i will be at my grandmothers house. yay... without my brian...he has to stay home...long story. but i will be taking carson and we will have a grand time. EXCEPT that means, without brian(who is my rock,security blanket and all around super hero) i will have to face the evil step-dad alone. he is the reason for every mental problem i have. he is the biggest ass! He is actually a drunk who has managed to wreck my life in so many ways. not to mention my poor mother....but that too is a whole different story. so wish me luck and loads of courage that i am sure i will need!! will chat more on my return. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

happy and frustrated all rolled into one!!

let me start out by saying...WAAHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! YES WE CAN!!!
i am beyond excited to have Barack Obama as our new president elect. i feel such a surge of emotions. but let me take you back to my son's end of the year baseball party last night.
boy #1- we voted for mccain because he is a christian.
girl #1- yeah, i don't like bara...that other guy.
me- why don't you like him, you don't even know him.
girl #1- well that's what my mom told me to say...we don't like him.
boy #2- (chiming in from the next table) yeah he is bad.

cut to me looking at my child then my husband. my son looks sad and my husband gave me the "well we do live in tx...what do you expect" shrug.
i had to go home and tell carson that yes some people like john mccain and that he is a good man,but his dad and i like obama and his ideas more. i also told him not to worry about what the other kids said because HE IS JUST A KID!!!! what upsets me is the lies these people told their children:he is a muslim(which he isn't, but if he was it still wouldn't matter to me), he is going to take everyones money away, he is going to make all the white people slaves,he hates America...i mean the list goes no and on.... come on people we live in 2008!!!!
YES WE CAN!! YES WE CAN!! YES WE CAN!! YES WE CAN!! YES WE CAN!! YES WE CAN!!

down,down,down

sometimes i feel as if i am slipping down a hole.
that every time i look over my shoulder, the light at the top of the hole gets dimmer and i can not see as clearly as once before. the past few weeks i can not get my footing, and i feel my self sliding faster and faster and try as i might...I CAN NOT STOP!! i feel sorry for my son and husband some days. i feel that they are being cheated out of a happy home life. please don't read this and think that i am just in a corner crying day in and day out. i am not...although some days that sounds like heaven to me. i do what needs to be done. no more,no less. well maybe sometimes a little less than i should.
does anyone even read this??

sick of being sick

i am sick.
i hate it! i hate not being able to breathe out of BOTH nostrils at the same time!! i hate lying in bed and having the urge to cough. i usually cough to the point of vomiting..gross i know.
the 3 of us were sick, no LESS than 20 times last school year. and this one has only just begun. and each of us has had a cold.
so my weekend pretty much sucked. the best part of the weekend was watching carson's baseball game and playing lego indiana jones on the wii.
will try to leave a better post next time~peace

some days

some days i feel like i am going off the deep end.
some days i feel like crying all day.
some days i feel like crawling in bed and sleeping for hours and hours.
some days i feel like a failure.
some days i feel like i don't belong.
some days i feel like i am under a microscope.
some days i feel like no one could possibly understand me.
some days i feel like my husband thinks i'm nuts.
some days i feel like i am horrible to look at.
some days i feel like i am not deserving of love.
some days i feel like God did not know what he was doing when he gave me brian and carson.
...but most days i feel whole and loved by the 2 people that mean the world to me. that with out them there would be NO reason to get up out of bed~peace

not a good housewife

please tell me there other women out there who go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink? i HATE cleaning...no really, i hate it!! this is when my OCD starts to kick in. when i do all the dishes,laundry,vacuum ,ect...the second i see a dirty dish in the sink,towel on the floor or a random dog hair landing on the carpet i freak!!! why do i even BOTHER?! it frustrates me to no end. i so wish i could have some nice person come over and clean my house weekly,for say $10!! i know wishful thinking,huh? maybe someday i will get that winning scratch off ticket! until then, my cleaning skills will continue to suck~peace

blah

i start back to work next week. i have been off since may 17th. i know i only work 2 days a week and should just shut my yap...but i don't wanna go!!!!! BC(before carson) i was an veterinary nurse and i LOVED my job. everyday was another animal story, some very sad, but most pretty happy. i did everything:vaccines,taking blood,anesthetizing animals,prepping them for surgery and so on. i was only expecting to leave for 8 weeks after i had carson. i had it in my mind that i was not going to be one of those moms that couldn't leave their child. HA!!! even though i had one of my best friends(whom i have known since i was 7) watching him, i couldn't stand it. i was not happy. so i quit to be a stay at home mom. well my depression came back full force. i was a recluse. would not leave my house for anything. i would do my mom duties, then cry all day. shower?! not today thanks! finally i went to my doctor and got put back on anti-depressants( i had been off them for about 6 years at that point). then i enrolled us into gymboree class and carson was 13 months at this time. i met new friends and slowly started living in the real world. still i have major anxiety issues. i hate meeting new people and i swear EVERYONE is staring a me. i am still on my "happy pills" and most days are better than others.
ok...i have rambled on and on.
by the way, through all my ups and downs, my husband has been my security blanket...my rock.
so...anyway...back to the original topic. i start tuesday back at the pre-school i work at. i will have babies from about 9 months to 14 months! the first few weeks are pure hell. my teaching partner are always like"WHY DID WE DECIDE TO COME BACK"!!!!???? but after about a month, the babies start liking us, then of course i start to fall in love with them too! someday i will go back to the animals, but i like only working twice a week.
off to go read...i started the book"Twilight" yesterday and i am almost done...quick read and very enjoyable~peace

about last night

i walk in his room as i do every night before bed. pull the covers closer to his chin and i just stare. this is MY son. watching him sleep, my throat aches. there is nothing i would not do for this child. God gave him to me to raise the best way i know how. i pray i do the right things daily to make him a loving,caring,and understanding person in this often cruel world. i teach him that EVERYONE is made with love. despite their age,gender,or skin color. i want to teach him to be color blind, and so far i think brian and i have done well. as he gets older i will teach him about other ways to be kind to others. he gives his toys to charity with out argument. he thought the ride "It's a small world" at Disney world was sad, he said that he wished that all the children in the world were as happy as those portrayed during that ride. he is my love,my life,my only child,my son.

always tired

i have insomnia.
i have been dealing with this for about 2+ years and i am sick of it. i take an ambien nightly, and while it does give me some sleep,it is usually only 4 hours of straight sleep. then i wake up about 15-20 times until it is time to get up. needless to say,every day i am exhausted!!!! i wanna nap daily,so i lie down and of course do not fall asleep. because i need that small white pill to actually MAKE me fall asleep!!! it is a vicious cycle. i know i need to get a sleep study, but my insurance coverage of it sucks!!!
anyway.....i am very excited about Obama and his nomination last night. although Hillary's speech gave me goosebumps and wanting to stand up and cheer. i am ready to get this election show on the road,ready for change! i want to get yard signs and a magnet for my car,but brian feels that we would be a target for someone to vandal our property....whatever happened to free speech??? he likes to remind me that we live in TX and us being democrats is NOT the norm. i will still put out signs and share my political views with people who ASK, i am not the type of person who feels the need to shove my ideas and views down other peoples throats.
well i am off to start my sleepy day~peace

first one

this is my first entry into my blog. i have been thinking about doing this for awhile ,so here it goes. i am a mom to an amazing 6 year old little boy, and have married to the most wonderful man in the world for the past 10 years. in my former life(before Carson) i was a veterinary nurse. now i work at a pre-school twice a week during the school year. some day i will go back to helping the animals,but right now i enjoy being able to drop and pick up carson from school every day, and attend all his field trips and base ball games!! i am a HUGE Obama supporter and can not wait until we have a new president!! that's all for now, be back soon!