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i start back to work next week. i have been off since may 17th. i know i only work 2 days a week and should just shut my yap...but i don't wanna go!!!!! BC(before carson) i was an veterinary nurse and i LOVED my job. everyday was another animal story, some very sad, but most pretty happy. i did everything:vaccines,taking blood,anesthetizing animals,prepping them for surgery and so on. i was only expecting to leave for 8 weeks after i had carson. i had it in my mind that i was not going to be one of those moms that couldn't leave their child. HA!!! even though i had one of my best friends(whom i have known since i was 7) watching him, i couldn't stand it. i was not happy. so i quit to be a stay at home mom. well my depression came back full force. i was a recluse. would not leave my house for anything. i would do my mom duties, then cry all day. shower?! not today thanks! finally i went to my doctor and got put back on anti-depressants( i had been off them for about 6 years at that point). then i enrolled us into gymboree class and carson was 13 months at this time. i met new friends and slowly started living in the real world. still i have major anxiety issues. i hate meeting new people and i swear EVERYONE is staring a me. i am still on my "happy pills" and most days are better than others.
ok...i have rambled on and on.
by the way, through all my ups and downs, my husband has been my security blanket...my rock.
so...anyway...back to the original topic. i start tuesday back at the pre-school i work at. i will have babies from about 9 months to 14 months! the first few weeks are pure hell. my teaching partner are always like"WHY DID WE DECIDE TO COME BACK"!!!!???? but after about a month, the babies start liking us, then of course i start to fall in love with them too! someday i will go back to the animals, but i like only working twice a week.
off to go read...i started the book"Twilight" yesterday and i am almost done...quick read and very enjoyable~peace

about last night

i walk in his room as i do every night before bed. pull the covers closer to his chin and i just stare. this is MY son. watching him sleep, my throat aches. there is nothing i would not do for this child. God gave him to me to raise the best way i know how. i pray i do the right things daily to make him a loving,caring,and understanding person in this often cruel world. i teach him that EVERYONE is made with love. despite their age,gender,or skin color. i want to teach him to be color blind, and so far i think brian and i have done well. as he gets older i will teach him about other ways to be kind to others. he gives his toys to charity with out argument. he thought the ride "It's a small world" at Disney world was sad, he said that he wished that all the children in the world were as happy as those portrayed during that ride. he is my love,my life,my only child,my son.

always tired

i have insomnia.
i have been dealing with this for about 2+ years and i am sick of it. i take an ambien nightly, and while it does give me some sleep,it is usually only 4 hours of straight sleep. then i wake up about 15-20 times until it is time to get up. needless to say,every day i am exhausted!!!! i wanna nap daily,so i lie down and of course do not fall asleep. because i need that small white pill to actually MAKE me fall asleep!!! it is a vicious cycle. i know i need to get a sleep study, but my insurance coverage of it sucks!!!
anyway.....i am very excited about Obama and his nomination last night. although Hillary's speech gave me goosebumps and wanting to stand up and cheer. i am ready to get this election show on the road,ready for change! i want to get yard signs and a magnet for my car,but brian feels that we would be a target for someone to vandal our property....whatever happened to free speech??? he likes to remind me that we live in TX and us being democrats is NOT the norm. i will still put out signs and share my political views with people who ASK, i am not the type of person who feels the need to shove my ideas and views down other peoples throats.
well i am off to start my sleepy day~peace

first one

this is my first entry into my blog. i have been thinking about doing this for awhile ,so here it goes. i am a mom to an amazing 6 year old little boy, and have married to the most wonderful man in the world for the past 10 years. in my former life(before Carson) i was a veterinary nurse. now i work at a pre-school twice a week during the school year. some day i will go back to helping the animals,but right now i enjoy being able to drop and pick up carson from school every day, and attend all his field trips and base ball games!! i am a HUGE Obama supporter and can not wait until we have a new president!! that's all for now, be back soon!