just finished reading "The hangmans daughter" C+
If You Leave
10 years ago
Friday, February 18, 2011
i like to do it lying down...
i start my new therapist in about a week. i am so happy, but also so scared. my husband does not want to see me being so mopey around the house. i try to be all smiles and rainbows for my boys, but they know something is wrong. i am anxious. i just want to go to the new dr and cry and scream and tell her all my problems, i don't wanna stop until i feel she know every tiny thing about me and my messed up ways my brain thinks. i wanna talk and talk until she knows every detail of all my friends and family. i want to ask her how i get the negative voices out of my head. i need her to fix my head so i can have the courage to fix the rest of me. i need to fix the rest of me. i need someone to BELIEVE in me. i need someone who wants good things for me. i need to learn how to forgive certain people and shut out others.i know,in order to grow as a better human i need to fix certain things. i need friends who i can count on....
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Mam- you do not some one to believe in you. You have that. You have a husband that lives you 100% through the thick & thin and good & bad. From here, it seems like unconditional love. From here, it seems that he believes in you. My guess is that your son believes in you too. Otherwise he might try the kitchen knife trick... So, maybe when you start accepting the love you have been given, start to love yourself, maybe then you can appreciate those around you that love you and believe in you. friends included.
You are putting a lot of hope and pressure on those around you, and a lot of stock that this therapist is going to be able to 'fix' you. This has to be an inside job. You have to accept the gifts and know that you are worthy of all that love. You have to know that you are worthy of a better life. You have to know that you are better than the voices in your head.
You don't 'need' someone to believe in you. You already have that. You just have to accept it.
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