i love you so bad...

do u ever look at your child (those of you with children) and just want to break down in tears because you are so happy that they are YOURS? is this a normal feeling? my son is 9, and just about the most amazing boy you will ever meet. i was watching him at his baseball game (he was pitching) and i had a lump the size of an orange in my throat!! i wanted to scream out "THATS MY BABY BOY"! but i refrained!! he would have not been pleased with me at all. i am not sure if it has anything to do with him being my only child or not?! all i know is that at night when i go check on him before i go to bed, my heart almost breaks with how big he is getting....but i look at his hands, he still has little boy hands. he still snuggles on the couch with me at night, he still wants to go places with me!! i am proud of the young man he is growing up to be, but can we just pause....for a little while.

i want to love you , and squeeze you and call you my own!

i can count the number of friends i would drop EVERYTHING for if they needed me on ONE hand.i'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. don't get me wrong. i have quite a few friends, just look at my facebook page...hahaha!! but there are a few that have reached into my heart, and have made a spot to call their very own. when you are my friend, i will love you with as much love as i am able to produce. i fully admit i am a needy person (#72615309 item for therapy). i am not really sure how i got this way. i feel that maybe i will be forgotten about, and then gone forever. i live in fear of being forgotten. when i was growing up, i remember getting ready for my dad to come pick me up for the weekend. i had my bag packed and my hair brushed, and even my lip gloss on. i was maybe 4 or 5, waiting is hard when your that age. after about 2 hours, my grandma had to come tell me that i wouldn't be seeing him that weekend.....he had forgotten, and made plans with his new girlfriend. that happened often. i remember being sad that my daddy forgot about me.

i don't want to be forgotten, and i try to show my friends that i do not ever forget about them. sometimes i know that can be super annoying...