down,down,down

sometimes i feel as if i am slipping down a hole.
that every time i look over my shoulder, the light at the top of the hole gets dimmer and i can not see as clearly as once before. the past few weeks i can not get my footing, and i feel my self sliding faster and faster and try as i might...I CAN NOT STOP!! i feel sorry for my son and husband some days. i feel that they are being cheated out of a happy home life. please don't read this and think that i am just in a corner crying day in and day out. i am not...although some days that sounds like heaven to me. i do what needs to be done. no more,no less. well maybe sometimes a little less than i should.
does anyone even read this??

sick of being sick

i am sick.
i hate it! i hate not being able to breathe out of BOTH nostrils at the same time!! i hate lying in bed and having the urge to cough. i usually cough to the point of vomiting..gross i know.
the 3 of us were sick, no LESS than 20 times last school year. and this one has only just begun. and each of us has had a cold.
so my weekend pretty much sucked. the best part of the weekend was watching carson's baseball game and playing lego indiana jones on the wii.
will try to leave a better post next time~peace

some days

some days i feel like i am going off the deep end.
some days i feel like crying all day.
some days i feel like crawling in bed and sleeping for hours and hours.
some days i feel like a failure.
some days i feel like i don't belong.
some days i feel like i am under a microscope.
some days i feel like no one could possibly understand me.
some days i feel like my husband thinks i'm nuts.
some days i feel like i am horrible to look at.
some days i feel like i am not deserving of love.
some days i feel like God did not know what he was doing when he gave me brian and carson.
...but most days i feel whole and loved by the 2 people that mean the world to me. that with out them there would be NO reason to get up out of bed~peace

not a good housewife

please tell me there other women out there who go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink? i HATE cleaning...no really, i hate it!! this is when my OCD starts to kick in. when i do all the dishes,laundry,vacuum ,ect...the second i see a dirty dish in the sink,towel on the floor or a random dog hair landing on the carpet i freak!!! why do i even BOTHER?! it frustrates me to no end. i so wish i could have some nice person come over and clean my house weekly,for say $10!! i know wishful thinking,huh? maybe someday i will get that winning scratch off ticket! until then, my cleaning skills will continue to suck~peace